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Solid Ground

by Everything Ever

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1.
So this is how it's gonna go I'll be drinking alone fall asleep in my street clothes my brain and my heart need a rest so it's on to my liver just like last night and when I wake up I will walk straight back into the heartbreak I can't even talk to you without having to process more bad news So what can I do? I must succumb to the lure of whatever makes me feel numb My fingers bruised from biting so hard just to try to distract from the pain in my heart as I try to hold onto hope, but the edges are sharp - When I look at this destruction it's difficult to function so this is how I deal Prayers will never work and everyone's sympathy makes it worse I don't want to feel - I drench my depression in a wave of potent recklessness and attempt to fool myself into thinking that I don't care about any of this but it pervades my mind and it's impossible to find anything resembling a bright side At your insistence I have gripped with all my strength And each time I just end up getting cut before it loses all its worth How many times can we recycle love? Everything makes it worse I don’t want to feel
2.
Rock Bottom 03:28
I wish I'd hit rock bottom So at least I'd have some solid ground to stand on Where I'm at now, I have no control and I can't find the courage to break out I don't really cry, I just breathe really heavily all the time I huff and I puff and I grin and I bear it and I try to keep my chin up I have to wonder if life is always gonna be an uphill climb And when will one hundred percent of my love be enough? Heartbreak breeds stupidity when it comes to me, I act irrationally I drink until my bloodstream floods with beer I let my friends cut off my hair, I sobered up and still didn't care I guess I'll just keep playing life by ear - Now that I've hit rock bottom, I finally have solid ground to stand on I'm looking at my problems and learning how to laugh them all away - Nintendo therapy Not much more that I need A van full of friends and a crowd to play to (Hell, I don't even really need a crowd to play to) I am broken, but at least I still exist No matter how many pieces I get busted into, what is broken can be fixed Only one way to go from here and it's “up”
3.
Big Ideas 03:13
I’ve got things to say and goals to accomplish spent the winter break trying to be more honest I sit dumbfounded in front of a keyboard anxiously hoping for some kind of reward I’m over-thinking and underproductive the lure of a drunken night is so seductive the reality of a drunken week sneaks up my mistakes have repercussions but they’re never enough to teach me a lesson I answer every question with another question Independence is such a joke when you have no car and you’re totally broke Look at me I’m wallowing by haranguing myself with self-loathing This is not okay I’ve got to find a different way - I gotta be more friendly I gotta sing more passionately I’ll just throw away the filter and say what’s on my mind - I’m afraid to say that my existence is only worth as much as my stubborn insistence on never being satisfied the smallest imperfection keeps me up all night so here’s my confession: my fear of repetition borders on obsession like my deepest thoughts are surrounded by quotes and I’m forced to sing songs someone already wrote I wish I didn’t have anxiety because the people that inspire me go through with all my big ideas before my opportunity arises and I get to witness what I could’ve had I might as well just squash my plans and pack it in if I still let this hold me back I have no patience for anything that’s forced the smallest doubt can bring about the biggest devastation I didn’t love my girlfriend anymore (She pushed you away, and at the end of the day) this uncertainty is more than I can take and life is too short to just keep your mouth shut and settle
4.
Schruted It 03:43
You're gonna blame me for your problems You're gonna blame me for all your laziness and the attitude that landed you here I can't say it doesn't hurt, but I can say it could've been much worse if we carried on down the road we were on And I did more than my fair share to try to wake you up Isn't it funny when every single action you take clearly and directly correlates to an actual consequence? (natural punishment) Welcome to the real world It must really hurt to be on the outside looking in but you're the one who lost the key and locked yourself out You're in no position to petition for another chance because (YOU'VE MADE YOUR PRIORITIES CLEAR) even if you did the right thing it would go against your instinct, so this is pointless- and no matter how perfectly you play the part, you'll never really have the heart You could rattle off a list of reasons why you think this is a mistake, but they'll never cancel out all the doubt in my heart that's been keeping me awake I can't help but draw conclusions from the choices that you make I'm done looking for solutions and asking what it's gonna take - Take the path of least resistance Disappointing with persistence Skirting by in every instance Your contrition lacks the distance You've chosen to sleep, letting your dreams stay dreams -
5.
I'm so good at doing nothing Faced with the task of picking the mounds of clutter off my floor I manage to get comfortable and the mess remains ignored Let's sit and do nothing for hours at a time and neglect our obligations I'm content if you're content just basking in procrastination - I'll do anything except what I'm supposed to do I could waste a day like it's my job, yeah between every nap and every TV rerun I've given up before I've even begun I'm not the type of dude that you should count on I will never get anything done - There's a few things that I care about and they get all my time As far as dreaming and scheming and partying go, well, I am in my prime And though I admit that my careless ways will catch up with me someday At least I'm not fooling myself along the way And I'll stay up all night coming up with all kinds of excuses to convince myself my laziness is justified and as the hours melt away, my eyes are getting heavy It's probably best if I just fall asleep (As the hours are flushing, I'm accomplishing nothing, but tomorrow is another day)
6.
I bite my tongue as I prepare to face the scrutiny I know I'll choose my words carefully 'cause there's no second chances and everyone's ready to shoot me down and I'll soon hate myself as well for this "victim" complex I'm developing - All of the things I consider important are nothing more than a minor blip on the radar of the people I must cater my deepest dreaded vulnerabilities to With each passing day I develop more symptoms of this incurable case of crippling stress, as I try to impress people who care and people who couldn't care less - The weather dictates my ability to put up some kind of fight against the pressures The ones that I imagine and the ones that are certainly all too real A toxic mix of self-pity and self-loathing that I drink down until I fall asleep Here I go again, putting pen to paper I'm embarrassing myself when I only have myself to impress
7.
Of Guilt 03:36
At this point in time, I'm just about as jaded as I could be After 2 years of my life and love were spent on something that was incomplete You've got nothing but good intentions as I selfishly enjoy your marred perception You're just idealizing me Trust me, I'm not half the man that I'm capable of being And it wouldn't be fair for either of us if I disregard what I'm foreseeing It's gonna take years before I have the courage to give you trust And learn to accept it when someone shows me love - I've grown sick of watching others get hurt as a consequence of putting myself first It's time I learn that that simply doesn't work - And every single time I try to welcome emotion, I throw myself at the mercy of heartbreaks past I'm thoroughly incapable of feeling anything except the guilt of all the people I bring down with me while this lasts I'll find love in other places I'll no longer try to force it Get drunk and sing songs on stages My wounds will close up without me even noticing This is a game that you can't win (this is a game that you can't win) You should have never let me in (you should have never let him in) I was only able to see what was directly in front of me This cycle of guilt and heartbreak needs to end The weaker I become, the more I hurt you The more I hurt you, the weaker I become So please forget me
8.
Accustomed to the melodramatic habits of a heartbreak addict, oblivious to everything but extremes There's never been an in-between The grass is always brown or green A never-ending state of restlessness and God forbid a day goes by without feeling like I gotta know the meaning of life Equating doubt with weaknesses and failure I drift so easily into an unrealistic dream Hung up on details based on wild assumptions Got a couple tons of baggage bundled up that I don't think that I should share And my outlook tends to shift every five fucking minutes Like the tilt of the boat is in charge of my emotions - Feel free to question and make suggestions, but don't expect to see me change a thing You can diagnose me or try to coach me, but I'm too far gone - I mentally remove myself from all that I'm involved with Physically, I drag myself along Bad luck is circumstantial, but my own actions set the table Like a hobby of mine is proving myself wrong I seem to second-guess myself before I even take my first one I step on my own toes I'm on a different level in a world you wouldn't recognize and I'm wondering if my detachment shows You step on the train and you have no idea I start to play these stupid games Get caught up in imaginary situations Wondering if you're doing the same (Why would you ever be?) No one in their right mind calculates the rest of their life every time they see a pretty stranger's eyes And when we go our separate ways, you don't realize how much it weighs All these tiny self-inflicted heartbreaks
9.
A Bruise 03:17
I stumble through old love notes that I read through tired eyes The ferry lights are usually dim, but this morning they're aggressively bright Now I'm forced to surrender to this 14 hour day And I dread the awkward messages that are bound to come my way And my legs are like jello I'm gonna need them for my travels I'm regretting everything I did last night Why wouldn't things go badly? Why would this time be any different? Why would I ever expect things to turn out right? I swing and I miss and I follow through until I end up hitting myself and it leaves a bruise I would leave everything up to chance But I've been no better off when these things have been out of my hands Now I'm down for the count for a month at least I'll take the time to make some peace in my mind 'til I find a brand new way to fuck things up I don't know if it's better or worse for me to come to remember and let myself be haunted Should I ever let my guard down again? - This is my great, big, overdramatic display of consistently choosing the worst possible way and I can't see if there's even a lesson to learn when I end up in the same place no matter which way I turn - My little sister wants to know why I don't have a valentine There are kids in her class who are already uncles and aunts She's too young to understand all the crazy complications My mind and my heart couldn't be further apart
10.
From Below 02:37
Sometimes I feel buried under fifty feet of dirt Paralyzed and crippled by a bulldozer of hurt But in one last attempt, I crane my neck enough to see some light I could let it blind me or I could make it mine - The view from below from the bottom of a hole so frightening and beautiful - Sometimes total emptiness can make you feel defeated But what if total emptiness was exactly what you needed? My slate is clean, so it's up to me It hasn't helped to hide It's easier to choose when there's nothing to lose I'm gonna paint the sky I can't be victimized if I refuse to recognize these setbacks as a curse I will reframe my mind Stand up and make this climb I needed this to learn
11.
A Tattoo 03:10
Well I do my best to focus on the bad stuff Trained myself to just expect the worst After awhile the sunshine starts to catch up and makes me feel so good it almost hurts When I met you, you were wearing my shoes and I was wearing yours - I never thought anyone would understand I never thought I'd understand anyone else Something's telling us to take the chance And I think we'd better listen - I was busy counting all my bruises Accepting that the damage had been done How could I have known? I thought I'd always wanna be alone I never thought that I'd trust anyone When I talked to you, you told me the truth and I told it back to you I think you're a tattoo that I never even asked for I woke up with your love under my skin The antidote was you when I was certain there was no cure I think I'd fall apart if you ever had to be removed
12.
Black Cats 06:34
We felt the force of all the setbacks coming one after the next Each crushing blow seeming more unfair and not making any sense Even a floor made of barbed wire could be considered solid ground - I saw a black cat on the way home last night I didn't look the other way - It seemed like fate was lining up against me The bookies stacked the odds But how could I blame them, I'm in bad shape when I alter my state to escape being awake I shouldn't fool myself How do I respond to bad luck? Apparently I fail And how do I deal with tough shit? I go ahead and slip into a bigger pile of it How many more chances will I get? Just enough to get my hopes up When I'm down to my final breath, maybe I'll catch my break No matter how pathetic I look and feel, my heart stays fixed on this ideal Divorced from practicality and juggling my sanity I'll persist until I've got nothing to give I may even have to die before my dream can live And on my deathbed you'll hear my final words and the loudest flatline you have ever heard The mumbles and whispers become loud and clear, as days turn to months and months turn into years I've come to realize that this solid ground is the feeling I get when I have you around

credits

released March 10, 2015

Zach Sandel - drums
John Trotta - bass, vocals
Andrew Paladino - vocals, guitar

All songs written by Everything Ever.
All lyrics written by Andrew Paladino.
Produced by Jeremy Comitas.
Engineered by Jeremy Comitas at Stained Glass, NJ & Galactic Sound.
Assistant Engineering by Mikhail Marinas.
Mixed by Jeremy Comitas at Galactic Sound.
Mastered by Jeremy Comitas at Speeder Bikes!

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Everything Ever New York, New York

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